After months of preparation and depleting my Qwerky Photography bank account to pay for silver gelatin paper, chemicals and framing services, I delivered my seven 16x20 photographs to Art Saint Louis in preparation for the delayed Honor Awards 2020 exhibition. What a long, strange trip it’s been to get my work to this moment.
The seven 16x20 silver gelatin prints (20x24 framed) made by artist CB Adams, delivered to Art Saint Louis for the upcoming Honor Awards exhibition. The prints, made from 4x5 large-format negatives, were developed and printed by Adams. Adams was one of 10 award-winning artists selected for this juried show.
To qualify for the annual Honor Awards, you have to been awarded an Award of Excellence from have the previous year's juried exhibitions. I’ve made it to that point twice before and this is the first time my work made it into the highly competitive Honor Awards exhibition. I just rewrote the previous sentence. The first iteration stated “…the first time I made it into the Honor Awards…” Not a profound change to you, but it marks a distinct maturation point for me as an artist. I have learned that there is a different and healthier approach between the art and its maker. In the past, when my work wasn’t accepted into an exhibition, I stomped around for far too long, considering the exclusion to be a personal affront. The juror or curator was clearly rejecting me.
But no. They were passing on my work, not me. It’s cliché but nonetheless true: art is subjective. Now, I’m still disappointed when my work won’t be shown in a particular exhibit, but my focus is already on making new work and submitting it elsewhere. I’m confident my “audience” is looking for me somewhere and it’s up to me to seek you out.
This Honor Awards was delayed a year because of the global health crisis. This turned out to be a blessing because I had more time to reprint some of the work with some adjustments that perhaps only I could see. I also had a year’s worth of pay from adjunct teaching – my side hustle teaching pays for most of my photography.
So, I delivered the seven, carefully wrapped works. Originally, the Juror Amy MacLennan, chose eight of my photographs. Unfortunately, three days before delivery, a flooring contractor working on my home dislodged one framed piece from its closet shelf. It shattered the glass, bent the frame and damage the print itself. As fate would have it, this was the only print for which I had neither an artist’s proof nor extra copy. So only seven go on the wall.
True confessions: as gratified as I am to have finally made it into the Honors exhibit, seeing the seven pieces leaning against the wall seemed so…well, paltry. My first thought was, “Is that it?” I can’t speak about the relationship between other artists and their work, but mine recently continues to be, “It’s not enough. Work more.”
Is that healthy? Dunno. But it keeps driving me for now. One image at a time. Hoping to find a wall for each. Still trying not to think that it’s me hanging there.